Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Feathery winged JERKS

It's finally turning into fall over here, and
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
Uh...I've been enjoying these local-ish apples
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
Where was I? Oh, right, so I've been thinking about schedules and why
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO YELL AT A BIRD.

Woodpeckers are here, and they're worse than ever. From sunup to sundown, they're here. Watching. Waiting. Pecking. All four sides of our house have hundreds of holes pecked into the siding. It's going to take thousands of dollars to replace the siding they've ruined. Most of them were there when we moved in. The little old lady we bought the house from only had 10% of her hearing left, so she didn't hear the constant jackhammer noise of her house being destroyed by birds.
But I do. It's LOUD. Crazy man with a hammer right next to you loud. These birds are devious. They'll fly away if you walk outside and yell at them. Not so much if you just slam the front door. And then. AND THEN. They fly to a nearby tree, and watch you walk back into the house. Sometimes they shriek indignantly as they fly. Two seconds later, it's
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
all over again.
I. Hate. Them.
Allegedly, they are endangered. This is the first species I can think of that I would actively try to make more endangered. And I'm an animal loving, simple living, long time vegetarian. Don't give me the "oh, poor things, their natural habitat has been ruined and they have no choice blah blah blah". There are literally thousands of trees as well as hundreds and hundreds of acres of untouched gorgeous wilderness within a two second flight of my little house. I live way out in the country, remember?
Here's the really curious part: they don't seem to be attacking any of our neighbors. They've got wood siding, too. And trees even closer for the hiding and laughing.
That's right. This is PERSONAL. It's not a flock of birds, it's two or three bad apples.
So help me birds, I am going to

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

!!!

5 comments:

sassypackrat said...

I hate to mention it but perhaps you have termites or some other wood eating bug in your siding. Cause after all as annoying as the woodpeckers are, they are pecking for a reason.

Absolutely Small said...

Ugggh that is not a happy thought.

Jessie Mae said...

Maybe these particular woodpeckers are endangered because they are stupid. That would be much better than termites.

Emily said...

Haha, this is such a funny post! I've always liked woodpeckers, I think they're funny creatures, but I've never really had to deal with their constant banging...

Absolutely Small said...

Jessie Mae: Let's hope. Terminal stupidity would be great!

Emily: Thanks! I like them fine when they're pecking on trees...or anything other than my house, really. :)

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