In which the carpets get stained

I used to think that one of the great things about dogs is that they certainly throw up a lot less than kids.
WRONG. SO WRONG.
Let me just warn you now that there will be some discussion of how the brand new carpets lost their innocence. And it won't be pretty. So, in order to not get too graphic, I'll substitute "present" and "cotton candy" for some of the actual words. Here goes:
The morning of the move, Dan woke me up saying "Hey, Buster left a present for you in the closet." Boy, did he ever. It was a thing of terror, this present. After lots of cleaning products and time, it still left a stain. But oh well! We were moving! Who cares! On with the world's longest moving day!
The next day, in the new house, I was awakened bright and early to the melodic sounds of Buster making cotton candy. All over my new carpet. And he continued to do so throughout the day, in pretty much every room of the house. Almost systematically.
And this was not ordinary cotton candy, folks. It STAINED. Stained my new carpet.
The weirdest thing was, most of the times seemed to coincide with my trying to catch a bit of sleep. I kept hearing the cotton candy dog gearing up, waking me out of sleep.
"It's okay! It will get better! He'll stop soon..." I reasoned to myself.
Onward came the presents, into the night and next day. At this point I started to freak out. "He's DYING!!! NOOOOO!!" It was too late to call the vet, so I decided to leave it until the morning. Fitful sleep. Visions of dogs cottoncandied to death.
The worst present EVER came that night. I promised myself I wouldn't actually describe anything, but let's just say it burned a hole in the floor. And our carpets will never be the same.
The next morning, Buster was...fine. Better than fine, actually. Leaping around, guzzling food & water and keeping it all down. The twinkle was back in his eye. What the heck?
I asked the vet if perhaps dogs can catch stomach bugs. "Eh, kind of. It's far more likely this was all just stress related, though." Stress? Seriously?
It's been a few days since then, and Buster seems perfectly healthy and happy. So we're chalking it up to stress. Let's add this to the "reasons to never move again" list.